Kimberly (s9u9n9n9y9) wrote in socially_inepts,
Kimberly
s9u9n9n9y9
socially_inepts

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my friendless life

so i grew up and lived in the same town my whole life and i basically had no friends and what friends i did have (other than my little sister who is my best friend) i have had since high school and none of them were much more than people i hung out with every once in a while. So over the summer i moved across the state and thought that this was my chance to have a different life, to have the kind of i have always dreamed of with a group of friends (like 90210 style or friends or sex and the city). Just a group of friends i can count on that i know will be there for each other. So I've been here almost 5 months now and guess what I have no friends. I've gone from at least having my little sister to nothing. no one. i spend all my time in class and at work and what free time i have i spend alone. I've never been so lonely in my life. i feel totally alone up here and i don't understand why. i talk to people at school and work but they never want to hang out outside of that. i'm only 23 so i don't just want to sit around by myself all the time i want to go out and have fun with people my own age. the closest thing i have to friends up here and the people that call me to tell me how much fun they had when they went out, but not once have they ever invited me to join them or this one friend who only invites me to hang out at his apartment and if i suggest going out anywhere he doesn't want to, but he is a frat boy and has tons of friends and i know he goes out so it makes me feel like i'm not someone he wants to be see with. i know i'm not ugly cause people tell me that i'm cute i feel like such a loser and i hate it and i don't know how to fix it. i've tried to be more outgoing and talk to more people and I've joined more clubs and everything and nothing seems to work. its like there is something about me that makes people not want to be around me and i don't get it. I just wish i understood why i have no friends and how to fix it, cause moving and becoming more outgoing didn't do it so there must be some special trick to getting people ti include you that i just don't get
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Hey, I can't tell you what the hell that special trick is. I'm just writing to tell you that I know what you're feeling, or at least I think I do. I have the same experiences. I have no idea what it is about me that is wrong, but there is definitely something. I'm awkward, and I have this incredible gift at making perfectly normal people feel awkward too. Its not my intent. I've noticed this for a while now, I have no idea what to do. I have basically resigned myself to a miserable life. And I think I'm getting really boring too. Even to the people I'm comfortable with. What could possibly be next? If I keep going, keep writing this, I think it will just get depressing. But I hope it helps you to know that you're not alone in you're loneliness. Granted, if we ever met each other in person, we might not be able to communicate at all. But you never know, I seem to get along best with people who seem just a little bit off. Maybe its the same kind of 'off' that I have, and turns most people away. Good luck.